January 22, 2019 9:34 PM
I am so glad a new year is here, so very, very, very, glad. But as always, lurking in that happiness is some sadness. I am always a mix of the two and believe I will be for the rest of my days on Earth. Some days the happiness (like tonight) eclipses the sadness and other days the sadness is greater. But tonight lets focus on the happiness!
I am so happy to announce I have left my job at the nursing home, the relief I felt was extraordinary. Literally a thousand pounds was taken off my back and I could breathe-a huge deep breath that cleansed me of all the horribleness I endured. Such a relief! If you are in job that does not make you happy, LEAVE. Don’t worry about the bills, the health insurance, or any of that. JUST GET OUT! I maybe eating a crap ton of rice and beans, nuts and fruit leather and not sure how I am going to put gas in my car tomorrow BUT none of that compares to the stress, anxiety, and pure hell of staying at a job that is sucking you dry.
I am now employed at one of the local hospitals as a LNA and I LOVE it! The staff is amazing and the doctors do not mind me asking questions, wanting to observe, and then asking more questions. I of course am doing all this in between my job duties! The job does not have many hours yet and that is tough but I also have another job interview next week at another local hospital. I have faith that soon these tough days will be behind me and I will have learned some valuable lessons along the way!
On the college front…..today was the first day of classes. That meant that my nursing class started their first day of the final semester of nursing. That is hard to wrap my mind around and I was sad this morning. I want so bad to be with my classmates, I want to be starting my final semester, I want to graduate in May. There is no magical cure for this hurt so I embraced it, had a good cry and then told myself you WILL get there.
I am taking classes this semester, the last of the pre/co reqs for a Bachelors program I have my eye on for the future. To be honest nothing I am terribly excited for but it will keep me in the routine of school and in the future I will be glad I did not waste this time.
The big news for today is that I passed my written test for my National EMT License!!!! I have been working on transferring my CT EMT License up to NH for months and oh goodness it has been a process. I am finally at the end of it and today was a huge step closer to the finish line. I gotta admit I was pretty worried as I failed the practical test by one point and it had me doubting myself! I have job opportunities with two ambulance services here in the North Country and can not wait to get back to my roots so to speak. I realized today that in June it will be 13 years since I started my EMS journey, holy crap! One of the best decisions I ever made, it brought my Kenny and I together, I have made amazing friends, learned so much and seen some crazy shit that still creates sleepless nights but also inspires me to live each day to the fullest.
The first month of the new year is almost to an end and I can say I am looking forward with hope. I feel this year is going to be finding the answer to who am I? I will never be the woman I was before 12/16/16 but I don’t quite know who I am now. This year I feel the shattered pieces of my life and heart will start to slowly align, start to knit together a picture of who I will become. It will be a complicated, full of tears, and heartache but I also know there will be adventure, laughs, and some joy. A complicated mix because isn’t that what life is- a complicated blessed mix.
Just had to share this picture of Ms. Spooky-she has become my partner for folding laundry ha ha!